I can still hear the lingering notes of a song sung to me by someone I cared for once in my life. I didn't know that was the last song I'll ever hear him sing for me. I was crying that night coz we've hurt each other. There were people around us but it was as if time stood still as he sang for me this song... The lines of the song took the pain away.. I didn't know then that something more painful awaited me... Memories of yesterday are vague now except that moment freezed in my mind... It made me remember how deeply he felt for me.. And how a love such as that was easily taken away with just a kiss of the wind - then it's gone. I may never understand that but I have learned to accept the things I can't change with great selflessness. I used to believe that real love doesn't fade away, but maybe for some, it does. And that's just life. Nothing stays the same unless you work hard to sustain the relationship. I also realized that forever is not real enough for some people. And that it's really better not to make promises one couldn't keep. I want to regret a lot of things but I can't coz I know that I loved deeply, truly and selflessly til the end. Someday, I will look back at that part of my life and think that I have done my best to fight for what we had... It was not I who gave up. I am happy because somehow, after all what happened, I found the answers that I need, to finally say goodbye to yesterday...
"How did you know I needed someone like you in my life... That there's an empty space in my heart. You came at the right time in my life..."
PART 2:
pink says: I realize dt love just happens, sometimes easily - and sometimes it just isnt meant to be, watevr d reasons may be. yet, despite d brokenness dt it brings, it is not something to regret if it doesnt work out eventually... neither it is something to be dwelled upon if its a failure... yet it is still something to be treasured and thankful for, coz i cant deny what had been dr before. Gone are the infinite questions that fill my mind at times... for I know that unanswered qstns are part of reality. All these things are behind me now. Though I will nevr b d same person again. Yet I am complete. It doesn't matter now how I felt before. To feel peace, I have to forgive and forget. And I have - long before this... But only now can I say to myself that everything's okay. Now and then, I still remember...but I don't long anymore for the person who used to make my heart flip over at times (do somersaults) and cause butterflies on my stomach..The ones that make me gush "God, how I love this guy..." Gone are those moments. The feeling has passed, maybe never to return again... My heart is already healed. And now, just like in the song, he would just be someone that I used to know...
SERENDIPITY
I blv in serendipity... i blv in meeting d person meant for me..
Okay, so I watched serendipity for d nth tym yesterday. Only ds tym I appreciated and relished every mushy lines and scenes.. I could feel d actors' frustration, d need and the love emanating from em.. The movie, ironically, only strengthened my belief in love and fate. Oooo... I don't know if it's just d spirit of d coming holiday season, but then, I really believe in those things sometimes.
One thing I learned from love is that, when things got out of control and despite d prayers, the wishes and d petitions of making a feeling stay freezed in time - and still it doesn't - well, God is at work then. I believe that God takes away when he has something better to give.
Sometimes, no matter how ppl love each other in one moment, if in d long run, it rili wudnt work out, then what's d point of prolonging d feeling wen it wil only go away... What's d point of loving someone when you know that someone out there is uy great love? who'll understand u, who'll accept u as u r, who'll never change u into something u aren't (and still leave u in d end bec he stl dsnt lyk/luv d person he made u become), who makes ur heart beats faster than him.. That's y no mattr how unfair or painful it is, u just hav to let go a person who's not happy w/ u anymor... Bad, but that's for them to overcome (their karma, that is). hehe.
Whatever. sigh.. bottomline... Im ready to wait in vain again, to wait for that overwhelming kind of love to fill my heart once again...
What's so nice about being inlove is that twinkle in once's eyes knowing that u are loved by d person u wanna share ur life w/ forever.
FORGIVENESS IS LIBERATING
I believe that true love means continuing to love that person even if you aren't together anymore. You still care for him and you learn how to forgive him for all the pain that you've caused each other.
I never thought it possible, but when he brushed his hands against my face, my heart did a lil somersault... and yes for me, there are still some sparks left. Imagine that!
Well, i know someday i'll find someone who'll definitely stay...=)
But seriously, sometimes letting go of things which you seem to think is what's ryt for u, will turn out as d ryt course to take after all - realization comes after knowing how you came to have greater blessings, more than what u had before...
I admit, I was almost tempted at first. My heart ached a little and it had remembered the love that once was there. I realized I had to look back once again, and feel that what I felt before was real - so I can finally put it all behind me. Ironically, I am happier knowing that we made the right choice... For me, because I know that he'll never be the man for me, he can never be someone who can accept me for who I am coz he wasn't strong enough to handle me. Neither am I. WE WEREN'T JUST STRONG ENOUGH TO OVERCOME THE HURDLES ALONG THE WAY...
Even if love (even just a lil) is still there, well, love isn't enough. Coz he's not the one meant for me, then we really couldn't be together. Is it painful? No. Because I got over it a long time ago... It doesn't mean that we remember, it means we have to be together.
I learned a lot from him and I was happy then. And that's enough for me to be thankful, and to give him my forgiveness, so he'll be happier w/ his life too. =)
SOMEONE WHO CAN MELT MY HEART
Alright. After being so stupid, now what?! I'm back to where I started again. I've shed a few tears this time.. But what d hell! I am an emotional person by birth, so dt doesn't count.. As I think about what I've gone through, maybe I got a lil crazy, and maybe I missed him a lil. But dt's it... I'm over him. Knowing me, I am very loyal & traditional - so i tend to hold on a lot to things dt have been important to me once - which I should let go of by now. Hm.. I guess, being a super nice girl is one of my innate qualities so I cannot refuse or turn down someone so easily.
Bad habits are hard to break, but he is definitely one bad habit dt I shud throw away forever. I mean, after going through the same things thrice, I should have known letting him in in my life is pointless.
Sometimes, I just can't understand how dumb people can be - some ppl cant spot d ones who truly love em even if it hit em in d eye. But well, dts their loss.
I fervently believe that everything happens for a reason. And no matter how worse our experiences may be, there have to be something good in them that we can learn from. These are d things that make us better persons. So d next time we spot dt someone who can turn our bones to water - then we'll know better how to stay inlove forever! A friend once told me, someday someone will come into ur life who will make u realize why it never worked with anyone else! Nice thought isnt it! Then maybe you can take comfort from it! =) til nxt tym... (we're going to zambales in a few hours, gotta fix mah things now) ciao!
SMARTEST THANG I'VE SAID TO A FRIEND THIS WEEK: "What's the purpose of living if we know all the answers to our questions, if we are always happy or if we've already glimpsed what will happen tomorrow... It may be hard now but there's surely a reward for those who wait..We won't go wrong as long as we live a life in prayer because God is never unjust or unreasonable (His lack of response to our prayers is part of his better plan..) Why are we gonna fear that we'll never find a GREAT LOVE again? There's no limit when it comes to loving. We can choose to love another person as manty times as we want. Don't let your fears, insecurities and pain hinder you to (pursue a better life) have faith in Him and in love as well. So cheer up! As long as we understand these things and the lessons from our brokenness, love will surely find its way to us. God is good all the time."
So true, right??
Even I myself was surprised with these words that I've condured. Things are getting better for me these days.. I am so glad that I have super true friends who never fail to pull me up everytime I fall to the ground... Learning from our failures is not the end-all of our problems, rather it is foreseeing them in our present lives and having the courage to resist repeating them...
Dealing with our daily experiences is hard for we never seem to know when are we doing the right or wrong thing - which is really the challenge. So everytime we find ourselves at crossroads, take time to reflect on your life so far and think of a similar situation where you can take a piece of wisdom which you can apply in your present dilemma. Most of the time, we know deep inside of us what we really want, what we really feel and what we really need. But we just don't listen to them for we always choose the easy way out to our problems. We are always afraid to deal with them and find ourselves alone and lost. We simply want to feel the cheap thrills that the easy solutions or answers bring - which, I tell you, won't last long - unfortunately.
If we long for a lasting happiness - then we work hard to achieve it... The things that we desire the most will remain far from our grasp unless we learn from our mistakes and apply the knowledge they have brought in our lives.
In each encounter ( with a person or with any experience) that we have, there is a hidden purpose, a learning and understanding that we have to discover. So no matter how painful life must be for us, we simply must dig deeper to find the treasure waiting for us.
Embrace life!
MENDED AND OFF THE BENCH
People are never the same. No matter how easy it is for some to jump into another relationship, serious or otherwise, after a broken heart - I just can't. I'm not saying that I still harbor feelings for someone from my past. (I'd like to think that I have mended) I guess, I can safely say that that's way over. It wasn't much my decision - but more of his.. Despite the fact that I am the one who didn't want to be friends, the reality was I was more than willing to accept him again - all he needed to do then was clear up the mess he made and then ask me to have him back again. Well it sounded easy but it wasn't. Anyhow, it was easier this time for me, you know. Yet, deep down I know that a part of me will forever be his, the saddest thing of all this ordeal. Mushy but, he was my first real love after all. =) And they say you can never forget those kind of feelings.
I am not gonna lie though and say I'm not entertaining thoughts of being with someone again. But opening myself to others and knowing that there's nothing magical going on there - is so damn hard to continue doing. So all that's left are bits of heaven and a quick spiral down to earth again. BIG SIGH
I know it's okay to make mistakes along the way but as I walk along the journey of being a grown-up, I become more careful, less open and more cynical with more fears and a greater determination to be stronger. Yet despite that, I guess I'd remain a romantic at heart and continue waiting for that someone who'll bring magic back in my life once more.
AFTER THE STORM
Peace and quiet reign once again after the full-blast storm raged through the night. Somehow, this assures me the same promises of stillness after the storm inside me die down eventually. Sometimes, I fear that it wouldn't and yet I happily find reasons each day that soon the sun will shine again...
As I meditatively floated in the beach... As I look at the cloudy skies above, a storm brewing... I think about my present life in general. Rainy nights nor days won't make me sad anymore. I happily bask under the raindrops over the waves and beyond.
I claimed and I conquered.
ALL THAT'S GOLD DOES NOT GLITTER
As a child, i was a big fan of fairy tales. I have lots of hard-bound books of classical stories of love, prince charmings and damsels-in-distress. In time, I continued on with my "happily-ever-after" kind of books though in a much mature level - romance novels and what have you. I guess in a way, this hobby of mine influenced my view on things particularly in love and relationships.
All that’s gold does not glitter.
As I grow older, my expectations and idea of perfection - on what entails an ideal guy - has changed. Flowers and chocolates and other romantic gestures are timeless expressions of love. Yes, it brings or rekindles the magic among couples… And yet, deep down this doesn’t equate with a true or lasting love.
All that’s gold does not glitter.
Sometimes, we never seem to find the good in the simple things that we have in our lives. All girls must have dreamt of being swept away by their prince charming or knight in shining armor – but for some, there is nothing grand about their love stories. Nothing sensational but merely a simple expression of love… Humor… Freedom to grow (together)… Understanding… Patience… Being there no matter what… Faith and loyalty… Commitment…
In the end, these are the things which matter most… and what love is all about.
Yes, all that’s gold does not glitter.
-A tribute to a very good friend-
PIT STOP
When much-desired dreams fade away, something indescribable sets in - CONFUSION. After holding on to something real and important, suddenly there's nothing reliable to believe in. This is a reality that everyone faces each day.
For such a strong person, I got lots of fears, even hang-ups that are hard to confront head on. It's kind of depressing to see that no matter how I try not to, I still commit mistakes. I always wanna strive for perfection in my life... I still firmly believe that with the right attitude, I can be anything I wanna be.
Transitions, life-changing moments, opportunities may be fearsome somehow... But it's great to know that somehow, even when you think you've screwed up your life, there's always "another chance to turn it all around". But what if there are no choices or better options at that moment when you wanted to change your destiny? Waiting is the hardest time since you don't really know what will happen next. With just one twist of fate, a life can be damned or blessed.
I choose being happy... and I am hard-pressed to move and run through a race... but I am asked to make a pit stop once again. It's hard, but I'm hanging on. Life\s sweet after all. No better chance to cherish every moment...
Life's ironies are really amazing. Have you ever felt that moment, when you're the happiest in the midst of nothing but darkness, emptiness... in spite the fact that everything you've had or wished for, was like having sands slip from your hands? Or were never there at all? It's a great feeling. When you have nothing else to lose. For one moment, nothing else seems to matter. No fears, no doubts. Only happiness. It's for you to find out if that's possible.
Time goes by so fast. Carrying emotional baggages and dwelling on them so much won't change the past. Sadly, there are things that can't be undone. Things change. People do too. Accepting this fact is damn hard, especially when you are still standing in the same place while others have moved on or gone away.
There are moments in our lives when we just know that they'll forever stay in our memories. After all, people are wired to remember and not to forget.
This may sound like a cliche, but the key to being happy is by letting go and allowing oneself to discover happiness in EVERYTHING - both the good and the bad. Understanding that even pain goes away in the long run.
Brush those disappointments again. Don't keep on looking back. When it comes down to it, it's just history. Nothing more. It'll only matter if you know that you've been the best person you could be in those days.
