"Baby I love you."

Fear. It's the one thing that never fails to catch up on us. When being happy is all we wish to become, but still let fear take away something good and lasting... Then we'd truly botched it. Many times I've seen fear screw over the best love going for most couples I know. For foolish reasons, they let go of the love of their lives for stupid reasons, for pride, for distorted point of views. Sigh. Sometimes I'd like to live their lives for them so I could fix what's broken, which is impossible to do in their eyes. The saddest thing is to eventually settle for second bests when you could have tried harder to catch the best of them all. Good things don't come easily you know.

But I guess we're not wired to be wise most of the time. So we let the only good things we ever knew or had to walk away from us. Luckily for some, good things come not only once but twice or maybe more. And when that happens, hold it and be grateful until it lasts and go its own way again.

Don't ever be afraid to fight for something that you want more than anything in this world. For timing is everything. Holding back or rushing in can destroy your chance of that truly good thing. In these things, erring on the side of being impulsive is better than waiting and not be given a chance to be with the love of your life at all. Regret is never a good thing.

I love you.

I'll tell you that just as soon as I find you.

pretty crushed

Am I dead?
Or is it all in my head?
Broken by all that was said
Now, I slowly mend.

Pieces of me
Scattered all over
Hurting so bad
For letting me go
Or didn't you know?
You were all that I have.

Just this once
Let me escape
To another place
Running in haste
Away from here.

It's better to be dead
Than to see you even in my head
Wishing tears would fall
Just to get out from this blackhole.

You're long dead
Buried in my head
Unluckily
I still have my memory.

(written before recurring dreams)

dead to the world

Days simply passed me by - unfeeling, unseeing, unknowing everything else except the meaningless things of the present. I've forgotten how it is to be crazy with simple happiness and even its extreme opposite, how to it is to be dying with cruel heartache. Yes, I am a breathing fool who refuses to live, laugh and be hurt again until someone special will make me forget about everything real and cynical in this world.

Please disappear from this place forever. The tears of yesterday keep on trying to reach out its hands... Though protected by such high walls and barriers, I'd rather be left alone by a past I can't change nor go back to. Memories of lies, pain and ultimate betrayal by a young love... Like a breathing fool, I lost through it all. Before, I had no fear though you were all I had. You were the death of me when you walked away. It doesn't make it easier knowing that you're gone but not happy as you wanted it to be.

I don't know your thoughts and your face anymore. There's no room for regrets. Everything's behind us now. Remember when we fell in love, for the last time. Then erase the past. Coz now we're back to being strangers at last.

N.B. I know you're long gone. I've accepted our fate. But just like the way a certain song goes, "I'll always remember the way we cared for our time". So maybe once in a while, tears would still fall on my cheeks after all.

recurring dreams

stubborn dreams that persist
fighting for the right
other paths and chances missed
yet desired destiny and i collide.

doubts infused on my mind
i desperately evade
disastrous mistakes i leave behind
all the past choices i've made.

drowning in a pit of uncertainties
i swim through them all
treasuring all the memories
standing still after every fall.

pink jinx

Here's a song i wrote for someone i loved, hated and finally blocked from my life completely, irrevocably.

Ulitin mo nga
Akala'y nagbibiro lang
Ngunit
di pa man sabihin
ay alam ko na
Noon pa ma'y wala na
Pag-ibig na nasayang lang

Paano na ang pusong
sayo lang nilalaan
Hihintayin pa naman sana
Pero huli na pala

Ulitin mo nga
Talaga bang kanya ka na
Hindi na masisilayan
o makakamtan
puso mong akala'y
para sa kin lang

Paano na ang pusong
sayo lang nilalaan
Hihintayin pa naman sana
Pero huli na pala

Isang beses lang uulitin
Ikaw lang tanging
para sa akin
Ngunit pa'no na
Naglaho na
Wala ka na.........

Paano na ang pusong
sayo lang nilalaan
Hihintayin pa naman sana
Pero huli na pala
Paalam na

Madness

But there were
NO
last look
fierce embrace
clinging kiss
no remembered bliss.

TOMORROW's my salvation
but TONIGHT there's only pain
and YESTERDAY's just a dream.

Nothing can bring solace
Not one
Not even you.

For there's only
NOW
no more us
bittersweet farce
hearts crushed...
Only now
a new beginning starts.

So let go.

Blue Dreams

When reality meets fantasy
Pain definitely comes along
And dreams become subdued
You turn away from the heartache
Pretending to be okay
Hiding what you feel
For it can't be returned.
Staring at the blue shirt
Hoping it'll give the answers
About the endless dreams
And the insanity of loving.
Puzzling over the same love game
Hearing crappy lines
Staying with someone
You don't actually love...
Or longing for the one in front of you
Wanting to capture his heart
Feeling weird all over
As he share stuff about you
Shows what he knows
Over the years.
Looking away
Afraid of what he'll see in my eyes
For there the truth lies
Beyond the avoidance
Putting up resistance
Coz the waiting has left me cold.
Like the blue shirt on my back door
A gift that's unopened
Words left unspoken
He's a fantasy that will stay
Only in my blue dreams.

Illusions of A Perfect Stranger

Strangers
No more waves
Nor hellos
Unblinking eyes
Blank faces
When passing by.

Are we strangers?
No shared past
No tears and
Good laughs.

Desperately
Pretending
To be strangers
To straighten things
That’s left
For us.

Perfectly strangers
Avoiding the twists
And turns
Despite the passion
That still
Furiously burns.

Gently Weep

Gently weep
Forget the past
Forget the love
That didn't last.

No one's to blame
You're young
Don't be ashamed
Just be calm.

Gently weep
For someone special
Let it rest
What's once eternal.

Everyday to anyone
Changes happen
Feelings go away
All of a sudden.

Gently weep
For what's new
No regrets
For something true.

Grey-Hued Truth

Truth is more than what the eyes can see
Blurred by one's intense emotions
Made complicated by past & present situations
Fueled by what you know
What other people say
And the mystery of the unknown.

Truth is not merely black or white
Neither simple nor complex
A lot of it is gray
And more of in-betweens
Making it so much harder to perceive.

Truth is far from our grasp
It's not what people live up to
Words and actions mostly run the opposite way
Like a wanted criminal
Always in hiding it seems.

Truth is at the bottom of the sea
Covered by nature's treasures beneath
But when it fin'ly reach the surface
You'll hear the language the human heart
Truthfully.

N.B.
Seeing through a person's heart entails trust, wisdom, sincerity and love.
Overcoming the cruelty of life and letting it collide with eternal bliss
Converge your hearts and minds
And discover a small doze of what it's like to be in paradise.

Promise of A Moment

A lazy night
Alone in bed
Caught by surprise
Of what you said.

The mood was light
We talked for long
You said
"She said goodbye"
And you refused to cry.

Struck by fate
Is what I felt.
The curse was broken
Like a mana from heaven.

The shower of rain
That once brought pain
Signaled a beginning
Of a whirlwind feeling.

And so...
Dreams were weaved
From the gift received.

Unknowing that another surprise
Lie awaiting.

It turned out that
the promises made
Only for a moment
they stayed.