Tuesday, December 12, 2006

End of Fantasy

When waking up at early mornings become easier...
And sleeping at 6am stops as a habit.
When rainy days don't bring up old memories
but new ones...
When I get all nervous with anticipation...
And I can't barely think at all.
I GUESS, I WAS SAVED.

When I begin to believe again in fairy tales...
And fin'ly end up with my prince.
When I allow myself to think of US together...
Hoping that this time it's for real.
When I start acting like a silly school girl...
With a lovestruck smile everytime I think of him.
I GUESS, I WAS SWEPT AWAY.

It lasted for a day
Til all these came crashing down my head.
I am afraid to take the risk
and be trapped in a fantasy
AGAIN.

Break The Curse

Her prince...

He's slipping towards a dismal fate
Stuck on a thorny trap of his own make.

Trying to brave the waves so high
Longing for an escape or way to fly.

Is he her long awaited prince?
Come rescue her with a lover's kiss.

His princess...

She's falling over the edge again
With a love so pure, which was once taken.

Buried on a long forgotten past
Sleeping amidst a magic spell that was cast.

Is she his precious one marked by destiny?
Lady, please wait til both your hearts beat in symphony.

(Not exactly a happily-ever-after-story) YET.

Traces of yesterday

When all of a sudden I come to grips with a melancholia I never wanted to feel...

When I looked everywhere, and I can't find you there...

When paranoia and doubts overcome my strength and self-confidence...

When I am in the middle of a crowd and still feel so alone...

When I've lost my warrior with my own cowardice and lack of faith...

When I can't seem to understand who and what I really want...

When nights are too long as if tomorrow will never come...

Who do I turn to for comfort, for courage and for love?

But then, in these moments, I know that I can never rely on anyone but myself.


"Is there someone who watches over you when you stumble and fall and in that moment gives you that strength to face your fears alone?" - Lucas, OTH

Reminiscence of An Angel

Where’s my angel?

Do you miss me by any chance?

Can you spare me even just a glance?


Where’s my angel?

Have you forgotten my smile?

Or my extraordinary style?


Where’s my angel?

Do we see the same falling star?

Do you wish to be with me, and stay not afar?


Where’s my angel?

Do you still hum our songs?

Do you remember where you first belonged?


Where’s my angel?

Do you feel the loneliness through the night?

Do you have that desperate longing to fight?


Where’s my angel?

Do you dare to forget your present world?

Can you give me forever and fin’lly make me whole?

Desensitized...or maybe not

A sense of bliss that didn’t last long
Stupefied by all the happenings
Seeking a heart where I don’t belong
Now my world is suddenly spinning.

First...
Like an endless stormy voyage
On a deep black angry sea
Lightning strikes to damage
A battleship that yearns to flee.

Second...
A love that’s lost and trapped in time
Keeps haunting me day and night
Thoughts and feelings that are sublime
Such foolishness that I want to fight.

Third...
Chances missed, a fleeting kiss
Memories left behind...
On the brink of happiness or loneliness
Everything else I keep inside.

Lokohan

Isang gabi ng pag-uubaya
Binabalikan ang kahapong nagdaan
Mata mo'y puno ng pagdurusa
Paghihirap ba’y hanggang kailangan?

Hawak mo ang aking kamay
Umaasa at nagmamakaawa
Puso ko ba’y natangay
O sadya lang talagang nagsawa?

Tila wagas pa rin ang pagmamahalan
Ramdam ko ang paghihirap ng kalooban
Ngunit ang iyong ngayon ay nakahadlang
Bukas natin ay nasaan?

Hanggang sa huli’y sumuko rin
Mga pangako’y biglang naglaho
Pinaglaruan lang ba ang damdamin?
Dahil muli ako’y iniwan mo.

Just Like Dead Stars

A blurred vision of you
On a starless Sunday night
I fastly look away
Closing my heart, my mind.

Look at me smiling
Even at a moment of weakness
No, I am far from dying
I am here standing on a crest.

Remembering my fall from grace
I wanted to be mad at you over again
For lying in my face
And fooling around back then.

Yet no more tears were shed
Though I can hear our song
Coz in spite of what you said
You weren’t there all along.

Pag-agos palayo sayo

Hinto.
Matapos ang mahabang paglalakbay
Sa'yong alaala'y hindi na sasabay.

Hinto.
Matapos ang paglutang sa kawalan
Binitawan rin ang mga agam-agam na laging pasan.

Hinto.
Matapos ang lahat ng paghihinagpis
Hanap ngayo'y bagong umagang kay tamis.

Hinto.
Matapos umasa sa’yong pagbabalik
Natapos rin ang paghihintay at pananabik.

Hinto.
Matapos ang pagbangon ng galit at pait
Batid kong ngayon, kasiyahan naman ang kapalit.

Hinto.
Matapos kong sundan ang pangakong walang hanggan
Tama na.
Ang aking tadhana na lamang ang susundan.

Nananatiling Isang Ligaw Na Anghel

Balot ng pighati
Dito sa isang tabi
Pusong nalulumbay
Dahil sa pagmamahal
'Di mo kayang ibigay.
Lumipas na ang panahon
Narito at 'di makaahon
Nasasadlak sa isang kahapon
Matagal nang dapat ibinaon.
Naalala ko ang iyong mga ngiti
Mga luha kong iyong pinalis
Habang binubulong ang isang himig
Awiting puno ng pag-ibig.
Bawat araw na ka'y saya
Sa piling mo puno ng ligaya
Buong akala'y nais lang ipadama
Pag-ibig na walang hanggan
Di alam na yun pala'y
Buwan ng pamamaalam.
N.B.
Tulang nagawa habang naghihintay buong umaga
sa isang kaibigan, doon sa Pedro Gil.
Sa totoo lang may kasama pa itong essay na pagkahaba-haba -
naisulat sa likod ng tray liner ng McDo.
Di pinatawad pati resibo, pati tissue... At lahat na.
Isinulat sa pagitan ng paghimbing, pagkainip, pagkainis...
Muntik ko nang masakal ang kaibigan ko pagkakita ko sa kanya.
Kaya pwede ring ang title ng tulang ito ay
"WALANG HANGGANG PAGHIHINTAY".
Angkop para sa paghihintay ko sa aking kaibigan,
at sa taong inspirasyon ng tulang ito.

Embers

Cursing.
So damn mad.
Can’t help but utter the meanest words that I know.
Screaming.
So damn frustrated.
Everything just keeps on going wrong.
Falling.
So damn in love.
Now I reached the bottom.
Loving.
So damn confused.
With these feelings that I can’t fathom.
Wishing.
So damn stupid.
Coz it looks like I am waiting.
Forgetting.
So damn right.
Since all these is nothing but pathetic.

* For my warrior & my mentor; the reason why I don't refuse to wake up at dawn. ;)

Lost Forever

Two lost souls

Searching for their one true love

One is locked in a prison of loneliness

The other keeps traveling in space.

They are linked by a burning flame

Yet suppressed by a fantasy

They remain holding on to

Denying the searing emotions

Between their cold cold hearts.

The sands of time will be gone

Within a few moments

And still they keep standing apart

Losing precious minutes

Of a forever that will soon depart.

Ligaw Na Anghel

Bumabalik ang alaala ng kahapon
Umiiyak kahit buhay ay di naman patapon.
Wala ka pa ring sinasabi
Iyong pananahimik ay walang kasing hapdi.
Heto at nakatitig sa kawalan
Hindi tumitinag, kulang nalang ay padasalan.
Ayaw man isipin ang nakaraan
Hanggang ngayon ito'y nanatiling hadlang.
Lahat ng nasayang na pagkakataon
Mga alaalang matagal nang nais ibaon
Pilit pa ring nanghihimasok
Sa pusong nais manahimik pag naglaon.
Palayain mo ang lahat ng hinanakit
Upang 'di na maging balakid.
Saka lang makakahanap ang damdamin
Ng bagong pusong mamahalin.

Fortress

I am strong
Not because
I don't cry
I don't fail
I don't hurt
I don't care
or
I don't love
But because I feel all those things
And yet, remain standing still.

Jonders :)

She's not the kind of girl
Who makes heads turn
Not the kind of girl
Who inspires jealousy nor makes you burn
Not the kind of girl
Who wears the latest fads
And not the kind of girl
Who can make me feel bad.
But I guess, she's your kind of girl
Coz until now you're still with her.

You Just Don't Know

Been hiding my feelings for so long

I almost forgot that it was you

Why I ended up choosing the wrong road

Wanting to forget the heartache

The lost chance to call you mine.

Been broken again

Still on the way to fix my wings

Trying to reach out to the one

Who saved me from you

Then destroyed me so cruelly

After I've given all my love.

I hate to see the judgment in your eyes

I am not being a fool

I just don't wanna run away again

Like what I did with you.

I'm giving what I've got

Anger and pride won't bring me joy

Learning to share everything I am

To those who need my hand

My words, my heart.

Maybe I'm waiting for you

Wanting to wish for you

Longing to be with you

Loving you.

But despite who I am now

I carefully shield my heart

Not wanting to be wrong again

Knowing you're my friend

I won't ever run away again.

I let you go

My only one.


Death's sorrow

I am here...

Though the space between us has grown so wide

Though we've both built walls so high to keep away from each other's sight, I am here...

Try as we might, the fates keep on tearing us apart.

It had been so damn hard, but now I understand.

Beyond the pain and the lies, the heartache of loss, of anger so strong...

because of a love that burns like flames through the night...

The embers, are yet to subside.


Loving you remains a fact in my life.

No laughters nor pretensions could ever erase that.

But it is the kind of love that hids beneath the very depths of my subconscious mind.

So obscured...

That sometimes I feel that it's not really there at all..


Respecting you is a sacrifice...

Praying for you silently is the proof how much I've really loved you.

Our circumstances now doesn't matter.

It's not even the point of all these.

I just want you to know, that through the darkness that surrounds you

I stand near you, one of the candles lighting your way

wishing you and everyone you love, a blessed life.


You're in a different kind of blackhole.

I remember another time, another place

when I used to share the loneliness.

Take comfort on the knowledge that even the deepest betrayal of fooling someone, of hurting someone, of leaving someone

still, there lies a love beyond the endless skies.

Here to wash away your fears, your pain - even just a little.

I may not be there - when the storm has struck you bad, moments so sad...

But I am here. Praying for you silently.

(No strings...)

Missing you by the moment

I miss walking with you...

when everything seems boring and we got nothing else to do...

I miss fooling around with you...

how you chase me and hold me underneath the waves...

I miss talking to you...

about our past, present and future - our life.

I miss all those sweet-nothings...

how u promised to love me forever, that im d only girl hu made u feel oh-so deeply inlove...

I miss the way you simply hold my hand...

like you won't ever let go...

I miss your deep, romantic looks...

how your eyes tell me how you feel for me...

I miss your laughter...

all the happiness you brought to my life...

I miss the companionship...

how you and i are always together...

I miss your tender love...

how you took care of me when im so sick or down...

I miss your smile...

the endless teasing and all

I miss our bonding...

how you trusted me with all your fears and your loneliness

I miss your gentle hands

how you're always guiding me everywhere we are...

I miss you...

You taught me a lot of things...

We were so different... but we WERE deeply in love...

-SIGH-