A breakup is all about yourself, not the other person.
I don't claim to be an expert on love. But my journey to healing in the
last few months is one of God's greatest miracles in my life.
It's cheesy. But a heartache is NEVER easy.
Having said that, I believe I got this great advice from a friend on
that fateful day:
"Whatever you do now, think of yourself. Don't put your love for
that person in the equation. You are separate entities now."
For a long time, I was in denial.
It's tough when you love a person so much that you forget yourself. Big mistake.
In the end, you will lose not only a big part of who you are, but also
the very person you depended on.
Life goes on.
You hear so much about that crap. I'm pretty sure you've even given that
advice once or twice to a brokenhearted friend. But when you're in that
position?
WTH! Be prepared for lots of sleepless nights. Crying bouts, too.
You can't help but cry before you sleep, cry when you wake up, and cry
even in your dreams!
You can't escape pain.
EXCEPT...
1. PRAY.
God is the BEST FRIEND you can count on. Unload all of your
burdens to him as many times as you want throughout the day. For heartache will
catch you off guard, no matter how busy you are at work or even when you're
having a good time with your friends. There will be moments, when you are quietly hurting even amidst a crowd.
Bottling up all those emotions is the hardest part for me. Many times,
tears would fall down my face even against my will. You know, that kind of
silent, heart-wrenching cry? Yup, no way around it. When the pain gets to you,
you just PRAY HARDER.
2. BE PROFESSIONAL.
It's HARD to be good at anything else when your
heart is breaking. It's EASY to succumb to depression.
But I believe that when you've reached the lowest point in your life,
there's no other way but UP. Don't let one aspect destroy the rest of your
life.
Space out if you must. Detach yourself from the situation. Think of it
as an out of body experience or a robot taking over you for the meantime.
It also helps to take things ONE STEP AT A TIME. Tell yourself to DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TODAY.
When you're professional, you avoid things you'd only regret later on.
3. EXPLORE.
Do the things you've
always wanted to do, but had no time for, because your world revolved in that
ONE PERSON. It's high time you realize that ME TIME is a must, whether or not
you're in a relationship. It's that one enjoyable thing you do for yourself,
not for anyone else.
Gym, for me, was that one thing. I've been wanting to go to the gym ever since I got invited to a one-day
press experience at the Pinoy Biggest Loser camp with Coach Chinggay and Coach
Jim. It's a big step for me since I was
never the sporty type.
Yoga. Zumba. Street dance. Body Combat. Pilates. Running.
Going to the gym is a life saver! Plus, you get to stay in shape, too!
Better spend your idle time in productive activities, rather than brood
and drown in negativity.
4. GO OUT WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.
God loves me so much he gave me the best support system ever. During
that difficult phase in my life, being surrounded with my best friends kept me
sane. They instinctively knew when I need company, even when I'm trying to shut
off the world. I am grateful for the nonstop dinners, sleepovers, and impromptu
beach escapade that helped me chase my blues away.
I didn't want to worry my brothers. But every chance I got, spending
time with them calmed my heart. FAMILY is the best thing ever! Next to God,
they're the ones who can shower you with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE no one else can
give you.
I also enjoyed BONDING WITH THE BOYS at another impromptu beach trip. I
joined my brother and three common friends. It was more of a FREEDOM TRIP for
me. Booze at midday, junk food, (which I rarely binge on!), surf, skim, skate
(I just watched! haha!). I haven't gone with them on their beach-skim trips for
almost two years... It was great to just chill.
It was more than fun, really. As we talked about our dreams and
ambitions, here's what struck me the
most:
"You'll find a way. No excuses."
That unexpected moment of clarity, that started to bring me out of the
proverbial black hole... I found it there, swimming at the beach, staying
afloat on a surf board (dunno how to surf, unfortunately)! ;)
5. RETREAT.
Indeed, 2013 is a year of faith. I am forever grateful to
another friend, who helped me strengthen my faith in God by inviting me to The
Feast in Ortigas. It paved the way for me to attend a two-day retreat in
Tagaytay.
While I believe that praying for God's grace of healing is possible
anytime, anywhere, joining the retreat with that sole purpose in mind helped me
recharge and regain a proper perspective in life.
Knowing that you share the same struggles with others (some way greater
than yours could ever be) gives you a spark of hope. Because truly, you are not
alone.
By God's grace, you will understand that things happen for a reason. Maybe it won't be for
long.
After all, a miracle doesn't necessarily have to be an earth-shattering moment.
It's when you find the courage to get up and start all over again.
I told myself once: "I may be lost now. But I'll find my way home
again."
Praise God. I already did.
LET GO. LET GOD.
